The Kids from Brooklyn
by sutyinabox
Summary: Steve's only concern was bringing back his best friend. However, the past the Winter Soldier was trying to put behind him is about to show its ugly face. * Rating is for safety, I own nothing.*
1. Chapter One

Natasha groaned, attempting to pull the blanket over her shoulder, but failed due to the body laying next to her. She was only partially asleep. It had been the first time in days that she had the ability to try and fall asleep, tucked into a warm bed in which to do so. The events of the past few days were fresh in her mind, lingering. Not only that, but what was to come next.

That, however, was not the troubles keeping her awake at the moment. Instead, it was Steve Rogers. His body laid next to hers, asleep but certainly not soundly. Various body parts of his were jabbed into hers- her small fame had little chance against in the twin bed. At that moment, she ducked a rolling shoulder that came her way.

Fury had made it very clear that, while the bad guys were at bay for now, they weren't safe in public just yet. In fact, Fury had just departed, leaving the remaining members of SHIELD scattered across DC to await further instruction. For the first time, Natasha was worried about being left in the dark. Not knowing what was next, or who was still left outside the walls of the dam where they were currently hiding.

Natasha received a strong kick to her calf, and her train of thought was then lost. She groaned, attempting to readjust the blankets yet again. She had elected to share a bed with Steve, purely because that was the pairing that made the most sense when it was determined that two of them would be sharing a bed. Everyone other than the four of them remained- Sam and Maria were asleep in another room down the hall, in separate beds.

Steves endless tossing an turning would have knocked her out of an airplane if given the chance, therefore a twin size bed did not take long. She fell to the floor with a yelp, taking part of the blankets with her. Steve remained asleep, and she sighed, pulling her legs free and allowing her skin to react to the cement floor. She pressed her foot to her bed mates back before he, too, fell mid roll.

" Steve, wake up" she muttered in an exhausted tone, " wake up!"

She heard him gasp and come to a halt against the bed frame. " What?" he asked, " what happened?" he reached over his right arm, but felt nothing other than empty space, " where are you?"

" Down here."

" Why?"

She felt his extended hand reaching in the dark for her. She grabbed on and was effortlessly pulled back onto the mattress, " because sometimes you forget that you're bigger than you used to be" he covered her again, " or you're making up for seventy years of sleeping in an ice cube."

He had moved over far enough that she had as much room as she was going to get as he balanced on the opposite side of the bed. " I'm so sorry" he muttered into his pillow.

Natasha settled in yet again, " at least you're sleeping" they both knew it was an improvement for him, "though I'm not sure if you feel like you are."

He quickly flipped to be laying on his side, back to Natasha, " I would hardly call it that."

She looked over it him, it was pitch black but she knew she was looking at him, " we can talk about it" she felt him sigh, " In know I come off as cold, but I can at least listen."

" It's not you at all" he said, " you're the closest person I have right now."

In the dark of the night, Natasha smiled. No one would ever know, but hearing that someone- especially Steve- had placed any trust in her. Especially given their conversation when driving to New Jersey, about not trusting someone he didn't know. However, considering the recent events, maybe his options for having someone to trust were limited.

" I don't want to say everything will work out" she continued, more wanting to coax him into opening up, " but we will figure out what to do next."

Steve's right leg began to twitch, causing the bed to tremble, " has Fury" he paused, out of fear of finding out the answer, " or anyone mentioned, or, have they said..."

She scooted closer to his body, " no one knows where he is , Steve" she completed the sentence so he wouldn't have to, " I wouldn't hide that information from you." Her contact with Fury since he left was limited at best, she couldn't even be certain if the information he was giving her was accurate.

" Maybe someone is hiding it form you, too."

" This whole thing, it blindsided everyone. No intel, nothing we had gave us any indication that Hyrdra was still developing, let alone Bucky.

Steve took a deep breath, " thank you for calling him Bucky" he heard enough awful descriptions in the past, " do you think we would be able to find him?"

Natasha sighed as though she was letting out the breath that he was holding in, her fingers lightly outlining the shoulder blade that was above where her head rested. He never asked questions, he just simply took charge and led everyone else, which was one of his strongest qualities. This was the weakest she had ever seen him, feeling him tremble beneath her touch.

" I don't know" she whispered, " we couldn't find him for years and its very likely he disappeared again. Especially if he broke away form Hydra..."

" I've got to get to him, Natasha" Steve announced, " maybe he didn't remember everything, but I could tell that he wasn't the bad guy anymore. Maybe he didn't go back to Hydra, maybe he's wandering around trying to figure out what he's suppose to do."

He wasn't necessarily right, and at the same time, he wasn't wrong either. She had no right to bring him down, even if she did adjust his reasoning for the sake of logic. And anything to get him back to sleep.

" He'll be harder to find if we don't know where to look" she felt as though she had just burst his balloon, " but, we can see if anything turns up."

" Thank you."

She light patted his upper arm, " try and get some rest. We'll figure something out."

For the first time since sharing a bed, Natasha felt him relax. Finally easing into a bed that he would refer to as a marshmallow. His body stayed still, breathing slowly evening out. She kept her hand on him, feeling the vibration when he spoke again.

" What if Bucky is dead?"

" He's not dead" she said, " it's not that easy."

With that assurance, Steve dozed off. Natasha soon followed.


	2. Chapter Two

An hour later, Steve was out cold, and Natasha was nowhere near such bliss. He had stopped fussing in thanks to her, and now laid there, snoring and snuggled next to her. She was exhausted, but knew it was only worse for him int he past week or so. He was more important, and deserved to be since he was the one always willing to put himself last. No questions asked.

Natasha slid out of bed, knowing he wouldn't wake. Steve rolled to the center of the mattress once she was gone, landing on his back now that he was no longer supported by her body. She made her way down the cold tunnel of a hallway once outside the room, cement floor biting at her bare feet. Water dripped from the pipes above her, which she could feel but was unable to see due to the poor lighting.

There had been a common area set up in the hideout, made to resemble a kitchen in what may have been a former employees lounge when the dam was still operational. She had turned on the overhead light and retrieved a bottle of water from the small refrigerator before taking a seat on the bar stool that sat in front of the counter.

The counter top was metal, her skin tingled from the cold. Everything was a mess, and she had been trained to handle messes, but this had far surpassed that. This was worse than New York, worse than what had just happened in DC. The difference was then, they were a team, and now they were broken pieces. There was no certainty on what was to happen next, no protocol. Natasha didn't function well without a plan of attack. And now, their fearless leader was drowning in his own guilt that had trapped him inside his own mind.

Natasha jumped fast enough that the stool she sat on squeaked against the floor when a hand landed on her shoulder.

" Sorry" Sam said from behind her with a bit of a laugh, " I didn't think it was possible to startle a superhero."

She settled down and pulled the cap off her bottle as he walked around the side if the counter, " I am far from a superhero."

Sam poured himself a glass of orange juice, a favorite of his, " just naturally an insomniac?"

" Steve was keeping me awake" she ran her fingers through her knotted hair, " no fault of his own."

" Is he asleep?"

" Yeah. But I had to tranquilize him, I had some left overs on me."

Sam looked up from the counter, " you what? Seriously?"

Natasha shrugged, " I had to. He won't sleep. And when he does, he has nightmares. Really bad nightmares, I can show you the bruises. Not that I blame the guy for any of it."

Sam sat on the at the stool across from her, " he seems pretty rattled. Not that I knew a lot of the guy before, but he seemed pretty together."

She nodded to confirm, " I wish I could help him. I've been down this road before, not the entire way, but close. Best friend becomes the enemy, brain washed. Except now" she paused, " he didn't know his best friend was even alive. All at once."

" He talked about wanting to find him. Actually, he hasn't stopped talking about it since we ended up here."

Natasha leaned forward, resting her head on her hands, " I know he does, and I want to help. But we're walking targets with no back up the second we walk out that door. I'm not sure going out on a hunt is the best idea right now."

It didn't take long for Sam to side with his new friend, " the longer we wait, the further away he gets."

She looked up, " we also don't know how dangerous he is."

Same leaned in, dark eyes meeting hers. For a moment, the falling water behind them was the only sound that could be heard.

" Someone pulled Steve out of that river. How dangerous could he really be?"

** Flashback- 1944, Germany**

He awoke, gasping for air, choking on his own coarse throat in a desperate attempt to revive himself. Heavy eyelids pried apart for what felt like the first time, vision was blurred, and he was only able to see blurred outlines of the poor lighting above him. His chest heaved, attempting to catch his breath as though someone had been choking him this entire time. A few blinks later, he had a clearer vision of the dim overhead lamp that hung directly about him. The lightbulb flickered, he couldn't see anything else.

A low growl of pain escaped, the memory of what torment his body had been through came rushing back to him- his muscles could remember even if he could not just yet. His back arched against the metal table he had been laying on, tears sprang to his eyes as a reaction. There was only a silence around him, he could only assume that he had been left alone, but it seemed strange that he was.

His left arm clutched the side of the examination table, staggering to pull himself into a sitting position, wincing along the way. The tears in his uniform revealed skin that was tainted with dirt and blood, his vision became more clear as he continued moving and examining himself in the state he had been left in.

He collapsed at his first attempt to stand, heavy legs easy giving way- the same right hand stopped breaking his fall. It had not yet occurred to him that his opposite arm, which was covered by some kind of sheet, had no feeling to it and remained close to his body. There was finally enough strength in his legs to stand once reaching the door that led out of the rustic laboratory- the surroundings starting to look somewhat familiar.

A sharp pull was given, but the door did not move. In a weak state, he was mad at himself to think that he would be left on the table with no restraints, in an unlocked room. With a tight grip on the door handle, he pulled himself to stand. The sheet fell from his body, and what little light there was in the room now reflected off the now exposed right arm.

His jaw hung loose, breaths coming to a halt.

Th arm- his arm0 was now sheeted in scales of metal that attached at the shoulder (for as far as he could see, where his sleeve had been torn off) and ended at his fingertips. The shock only deepened as he was unable to determine if the metal was a cover for his own arm, or had been replaced entirely. The fingers, his fingers if they were, curled upon his command. He used the arm to take another attempt at the door, and this time, it was ripped from the hinges with little effort from him. The intensity of the strength he just used startled him.

But there was no time to dwell. His ear drums were suddenly bombarded with a piercing alarm that began echoing all around him, almost like the distress call of a very large and angry bird. Startled, he moved as quickly as possible down the hallway. He thought he could run, but was not able to adjust to how badly his body was damaged in a fall that was meant to kill him.

He rounded a corner, hearing an army of footsteps that were not far behind, accompanied by yelling that sounded like Russian . It was fair to assume that he had been stripped of any weapons he had on him when he was last with Steve. The injured leg was dragging behind him, the corridor was dark, some kind of underground lair, and he was only guessing on how to escape.

" Sargent Barnes!" someone, a man with a thick accent, yelled form behind him. He was almost curious that his name and been used, and by someone who was speaking English.

He made the mistake of stopping to see who it was that was behind him. Perhaps someone he knew, someone that would be able to help. But, it was a mistake. Instead, he felt a sharp bite in the side of his neck, causing his body to fall to the floor without any resistance. The metal limb struck the floor with a crashing sound, and he almost relaxed without the added stress to attempt an escape.

His body went numb and paralysis soon set in- whether it was temporary or not, he could not tell. Eye lids became heavy again, and he could hardly even feel the air leave his lungs. He was trapped, a prisoner againA name that could not be heard escaped his throat, hidden by the deep breathing.

The figure, whomever it was that had behind him, had finally appeared. The drug in the dart that had pierced him had almost reached its full climax. The individual had knelt at his side, leaning over him, though his face could not be seen at the time.

" We have many plans in store for you, James" it said in a tone that was so calming it was terrifying, " you're going to be one of a kind, a super solider" there would have been an objection if he could, " we're just getting started."

On the brink of a complete blackout, he felt a tear slide down his temple. " I'm not a solider" he choked, " I'm a monster."


	3. Chapter Three

Steve woke up as though he had never been asleep, feeling the cold sweat start across his back. It felt as though he had a nightmare, but couldn't remember anything. Though he had been asleep, he felt far from rested, which could have been because of the circumstances in which he was put to sleep. He didn't even recall falling asleep, but was able to remember where he was. That was only because he could feel Natasha's body pressed against his, his nose was maybe a half an inch from the wall, and she had him anchored in place. There was light snoring, he had not woken her.

A few deep breaths, and he felt better.

There was a faint beeping sound, and a slight vibration on his upper thigh. His hand slid gently down his side, careful to not disturb the sleeping girl next to him, and retrieved his cell phone from the pocket of his pajama pants. He was rather proud of how well he was doing with his own cell phone, now that he had been trusted with one. Even with his eyes adjusting to the sudden bright light on the screen, he was able to read the text message.

It was from Sam.

_' Grab the duffle bag in the hallway, meet outside in five. Do not tell Nat'_

Steve decided not to question why, at least not over the phone. He placed it back in his pocket and gently nudged Natasha's body away from his own. When there was just enough room, he wiggled his way down the mattress and flopped onto the floor at the end of the bed. Once there, he stopped to listed, but fortunately Natasha had not been disturbed.

He almost tripped over some kind of clothing on the floor (and he had no idea why it was there), but made it to the door and to the poorly lit hallway. As promised, there was a duffle bag sitting on the floor. He grabbed it and headed towards the main door, checking over a few times to make sure that neither of the girls had heard him or were following.

Sam was just outside the side entrance to the dam, holding his own bag and simply waiting for Steve. Judging by the color of the sky, it was far from dawn and bitter cold. But judging by Sam's expression, he had no clue as to...

" What are we doing?" Steve asked in a whisper.

" We're going to get him" Sam responded as though it was the plan all along.

Steve followed him down the dirt path away from the dam, " him? Who are we going to get?"

" Bucky, we're going to get your friend."

He jogged a few steps to catch up, worried already about the consequences of the plan that was beginning to unfold, " we're suppose to be in hiding, Natasha said we had to wait..."

Sam kept leading the way so that Steve would be forced to do the same, " Nat's heart is in the right place, but we don't have time to wait."

" Why do you want to come with me?"

" Because I'm your friend, too."

Natasha awoke the next morning by rolling into the wall, which startled her as she was expecting Steve's body to stop hers. Her eyes opened to an empty bed, the room finally lit by gray daylight of the morning. She rolled onto her stomach and groaned, concerned on how long Steve was awake and wandering around- chatting to himself and getting lost in his own rambling thoughts.

She rolled out of bed, stumbling through a litter of belongings that she doesn't remember ever being on the floor.

" Steve?" she called out when entering the corridor. She walked up and down still calling his name, no response. No sign of anyone else, but it was assumed at the tim that everyone else was still asleep. It may have been early.

" Steve, come on, lets go for a run" then there was the attempt to coax him out of what she thought was going to be a hiding spot he had found as though he was a small child in trouble.

Natasha went into the kitchen, which had been untouched since her and Sam's conversation only hours ago. Except now, there was a note on the counter, she recognized Steve's handwriting before even having the chance to read it. But, then she did:

_' Same and I went looking for Bucky. Please don't be mad'_

Natasha sighed, clutching the paper in her hand. It would have been a lie to say she was shocked, keeping Steve in hiding as a failure waiting to happen, no matter how close she slept to him. Her second thought was being grateful that he not ventured out alone. She looked at the paper again, as though it would say something else, and could only imagine the sincerity in which the note was written. Genuinely seeking her forgiveness for something that, at the time it was written, she had no idea about.

She told her insides to cool it, coming to a screeching halt as Maria entered the room. She was dressed and prepared as though she had been awake for hours. That, or she had never gone to bed the night before.

" Where are the boys?" Maria asked as though it was an interrogation, but that answered whether or not SHE knew where they were.

And Natasha knew that she had never been too particularly fond of Maria Hill. Awhile back, Clint had once said that two strong females within one clan was a recipe for a tainted bond. He had far too much experience in that field. Either way, Natasha decided what little truth Maria knew right now was just enough.

" Disciplinary meeting, about stealing Falcons gear before the shit hit the fan" she was usually a phenomenal liar, expert even, but that was the best she could come up with given the fact that they were already in hiding.

Either way, Maria bought it.

" Weren't you involved in that?"

" Weren't you involved in making us believe Fury was dead?"

Perhaps now she was looking suspicious, so Natasha hid the paper behind her back. Maria gave her a stern look, " they shouldn't be out there, those are the orders."

Exactly! That right there, the bright light shining down on why Agent Romanoff and Agent Hill hardly conversed, because everything would get back to Fury whether he be dead or alive. To Natasha, Fury was on a need to know basis, and he liked it that way.

" Well, what's the worse that can happen?"

The question seemed necessary, even if rhetorical. To Natasha, the worse has already happened.

Maria soon left, figuring if the boys could, she could as well. There was an underground briefing for the surviving members of SHIELD, and there were few on the discreet list. Not even Natasha was sure who remained, or where they met, partly because she decided to skip the meeting and stayed behind.

Once alone, Natasha paced up and down the narrow hall of the dam. With anyone else present, it was suffocating, but being alone helped. Her cell phone was clutched in her hand, alternating between San and Steve's numbers to the point where it was mastered. Np answer, not even an entire ring before the call was sent to voicemail. She would have been more shocked had one of them picked up. They knew better, and they certainly knew about the trackers in the SHEILD phones.

She snapped her fingers as the idea came to her. There was someone who would respond to her no matter what the situation.

_' Steve left the hide out in the middle of the night to go find Bucky. I have no idea what to do'_

A moment later, her phone beeped with a response.

_' Not shocked by Steve leaving, but a little stunned that you don't know what to do'_

_' Not exactly a common situation. Can't say I blame him, seems normal for someone to go great distances for their best friend...'_

_ ' Then let him do this, Winter Solider person or not, he can handle it. Did he go alone? Big, muscular God back in town?'_

She smikred. _'No, he's with Sam Wilson, the Falcon'_

' _Yeah, you still need to explain to me exactly what it is that he does.'_

_ ' Can we focus on the problem at hand right here?'_

_ ' Find Bucky'_ the next text read, _' find Bucky, then find Steve. Then get them back to the dam and stay there, dammit. Haha.'_

He was right, and so much for a hideout since she was the only one there. And of course, he had the answers, even if he would pretend that she had them all along. Natasha groaned, thoughts pacing back and forth along with her feet across the floor. The phone remained silent, until she typed a quick message in return.

_' I'll call you later.'_

Natasha came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be much help out and about in the search, but would be entirely useless waiting back at the dam. She made sure to put on a hooded sweater before stepping outside into the exposed daytime. The SUV they had been left with remained there- not to her surprise that Steve and Sam hadn't taken it (also embedded with a tracker). She had no idea how they were getting around, but the same went for how far they had gotten since they even left.

There was a lot she wasn't aware of. SHIELD had no shortage of documentation on Steve. The entire experiment in which Captain America came to exist was all on record, paperwork down to the last detail. And Steve filled in with whatever details were missing, t was part of his recovery and adjustment once being defrosted was to talk about it. Talk about anything he could, really.

But not one word was spoken about Bucky. They knew little, only what was in his military files, but enough to know his importance. The SHIELD agent who was assigned to assist throughout the process poked as much as she could, to get Steve to say anything about him, but it never worked. Thinking back on it, the most she heard the name spoken was in the last few days.

Natasha drove around DC hoping to get ideas on where to begin. She drove past the areas that had been destroyed by the recent events, thinking it was possible that Bucky had gone back to the scene of the crime, as some criminals did enjoy doing.

" He's not a criminal" she said aloud. And he didn't deserve to be treated like one.

She recalled telling Steve that the Winter Solider was a ghost, and impossible to catch. Now, that he was separated from Hydra, he could still be in DC, maybe still in the country. They were fortunate enough to find him the first time, fortunate being the optional description.

When approaching the intersection on third street, her attention was caught by the loud chatter of school children on the lawn to the right of her. She had been too distracted to realize that she was at the corner of the Smithsonian. Looking closer, while at the red light, she saw a banner advertising the Captain America exhibit. Though she hadn't had the chance to go yet (it had recently opened) but heard Steve get all awkward and blush whenever someone mentioned it to him.

" Why not" she muttered.

Since joining SHIELD, Natasha had learned a lot about Steve, even before he was found and defrosted. The First Avenger, thats what everyone referred to him as. Though the exhibit added a personal touch to his story, and that was pleasant to see. As she walked around the displays, there were details of him as a kid from Brooklyn, a solider, and then the super hero. She couldn't help but smile at some of the pictures.

She came to a stop in front of the large, glass plaque, the other visitors brushed past her, not bothering to stop and read what was etched into the glass about James Barnes. It was nice to finally know his real name, and his real story and not about the brain washee that was created of him. The man who was Steve's best friend, the man who, as far as the museum was concerned, dead.

Natasha was drawn to a small screening room off the side of the exhibit, which was airing a feature about Steve on loop. She snuck in and sat down, quickly noticing that there was only one other person in there, who was tucked away in one of the dark corners. It was an old video, almost like something that would be used for propaganda in a 1940s movie theatre. She was taken aback by seeing one of her teammates in a life that she had never lived, and yet existed in the same one they shared together now. There were clips of Steve and Bucky together, and it gave a glimpse of the friendship that she knew was making this that much harder for him.

_" Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were inseparable on both school yard and battlefield."_

Natasha swallowed the lump in her throat and sighed. Her arms crossed over her chest as she slouched on the bench, the film continued to roll. The other person there leaned forward as she had gone back, right into the corner of her eye. She had almost forgotten anyone else was in the room as they sat rather far away.

Then, that person spoke. The voice startled her as there was no longer silence, but not as much as what was said next:

" If you're going to kill me, Agent Romanoff, please just do it now."


	4. Chapter Four

Authors Note: Thank you to the reviewer who pointed out that I indicated the wrong arm that went all metal for Bucky. And thank you all for reading!

Sams eyes slowly opened, first seeing a series of trees and sky whiting by the train window. His head had been against the frame, and was now sore from the plastic and the vibration of a moving train. He sat up and cracked his neck, looking around as though everything had changed while he was asleep, though nothing did.

Steve sat on the seats across from him- they were the only ones sitting in the cubicle of four seats. Even with the baseball cap pulled down, it was visible that his eyes were closed. But Sam knew better than to believe he was napping.

" Do you think Natasha knows we're gone yet?" Sam asked.

Steve didn't budge, " yup."

" Still expecting her to get on at the next stop and scowl at us. That would be worse than her, you know, hitting us."

" She won't" Steve moved his hat and opened his eyes, " she'll be waiting for us in New Jersey."

Sam laughed, and then realized Steve may not have been kidding. He couldn't tell. " well, she can always help us out if she is there."

Steve stared out the window, not processing what he was looking at. " We're going to need it" he said " if Jersey is even the right place."

" You said you had a hunch" Sam shifted in his seat, waking his tired muscles, " you said you had a good hunch about the army base. Or, whats left of it."

" I don't know what I know, because I don't know what he knows. He kind of seemed like he was remembering who he was, maybe. He could remember this, he trained there. It's where he became a solider before….before the war."

Sam watched as Steve stumbled on his own words and look down at his fingernails as he trailed off.

" We have to start somewhere" Sam encouraged, " and he's not with Hydra, which is good, so maybe it does make sense that he would try to find out who he is."

Steve smirked, " I know who he is. I know everything about him."

" Good, because he's going to need you to fill in the blanks for him."

Natasha sat in a perfect posture on the bench, mortified at the idea of moving. The movie kept rolling, and the man at the other end of the room did not seem in a hurry to get away either. It was as though the first to move was the firs tot lose. Or perhaps that was the case.

_" Good job, Steve"_ she thought to herself, " _take off to God knows where, and here he is in your exhibit!"_

She felt every ounce of breath leave her body before finally speaking.

" I'm not going to hurt you, Bucky" she said in the calmness tone she had, responding to his request that she get it over and done with.

He laughed, " i wouldn't blame you if you were lying."

She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, head turned ever so slightly in case he did make a move, unsure if there was an entranceway on that side of the theatre." I'm not, I came to find you, but to help you, not hurt you" he didn't say anything, " why don't you come with me, Bucky?"

" You're the second person to call me that" he said, almost like it was amusing to him, " who the hell is Bucky? I don't know who Bucky is, other than what everything around here says."

Natasha turned enough that she was able to see him. He was defensively tucked into the corner, wearing a simple spring jacket, jeans, and a baseball cap over his long hair. He was made up to hide from whomever he felt the need to hide from.

" I know someone who can help you with that. He knows exactly who you are."

Bucky made quick eye contact, but then looked away out of fear, " is Captain Rogers here?"

She signed, " no, he's out looking for you, though. He'll come back, and he'll help you. He wants to help you" she watched for him to respond, but he didn't, " he's your friend."

" I don't know who to trust."

She felt as though she was talking him off the ledge, or perhaps she was just as scared as he was. In the back of her mind, she kept telling herself that if she got him somewhere more secure, he would be safe until Steve got back.

" You can trust Steve" she said, " if you can't trust Steve, you can't trust anyone."

" Of course you say that, you work with him."

Natasha stood up, he watched but didn't appear to be threatened, " if you didn't think he was a good guy, you would have killed him. You wouldn't have pulled him out of the Potomac River so that he was rescued."

Bucky looked down at his lap before again at Natasha, " is he okay?"

" He's okay. You should come see for yourself."

Sam and Steve made it to New Jersey, and the old army base, or what remained of it. The two wandered about and climbed over the rubble that remained from the attack on Steve and Natasha only days earlier. They had searched, but found no one else.

" It was a hunch" Sam said in an attempt to ease his friends disappointment, " like you said, we had to start somewhere."

Steve jumped off a slab of broken concrete to even ground, " it was a bad hunch" he took a circled look around the grounds, " Natasha did say he was a ghost."

Sam nearly snorted, " we didn't have any trouble finding him the first time. You said you two were from Brooklyn?" Steve nodded, " maybe he went there."

" Maybe. I'm going to go check around back again."

Sam let him go, holding back a comment about how there was no ' around back' among the destroyed buildings, because he knew Steve was going to look for something he wouldn't find. As though on cue, once he was out of sight, Sam's phone began ringing in his back pocket. He already knew who it was, and after nearly twelve hour, she deserved someone to answer her.

" Natasha, hi. Listen, I'm sorry that we just left, but…" he began as soon as he answered the phone, but was swiftly interrupted…

" Sam, where are you two?" she didn't sound as angry as he was expecting. And he was expecting angry.

He scratched the back of his head and looked around in case she were to suddenly appear, " New jersey, Steve's old army base. He thought Bucky might be here."

" He's not there."

" We know, It was just an idea, don't get mad at.."

" He's here, Sam" she interrupted again, stating the fact like he should have known all along like she did, " Bucky's in DC, I found him in the Smithsonian, he's with me."

Sam groaned, " Jesus, nat. Don't go near him, stay away from him. We will be on the next train back. Do you have any way to track him until we get there?"

" Relax, Sam. he's with me, I'm taking him back to the hide out. Don't tell Steve, just get back here. I'll keep him company."

" Keep him company?! The elusive Winter Solider that even SHIELD couldn't catch? You're just going to hang out and watch Netflix?"

" His name is Bucky, Sam. Bucky, we should all get use to calling him that because he's going to be staying with us for awhile."


	5. Chapter Five

Authors Note: Thank you all again for reading. This may be a bit of a filler chapter, but I wanted to update the story before the long weekend. I do promise lengthier chapters in the future. Enjoy!

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Sam hung up the phone and swore under his breath. He looked up and around, Steve had not yet returned. In a frenzy, he began yelling his name and jogging around the pile of rubble he had been standing next to, until Steve did indeed come running from the other direction. His eyes were as wide as ever, thinking he was going to be greeted with good news.

Not really.

" We have to go back to Washington. Natasha just called, she wants us back."

Steve signed and gave half of an eye roll, " of course she did. I told you if she answered the phone, thats what she was going to ask you to do."

Sam remained placid in hopes that it would mellow out Steve as well.

" I know, but we couldn't ignore her much longer. She sounded like it was important. We can go back, and regroup with her, then we can get a solid plan

Steve's eyes lit up, " this was your idea!" he yelled, " it was your plan to leave in the middle of the night, and now you want to call it quits because Nat threatened you!"

" She didn't threaten me" Sam said, laying a hand on his friend's shoulder, " we're not giving up. We're just going to figure everything out together, as a team. Thats all."

The captain took a few deep breaths, watching Sam's forgiving expression.

" There's something you're not telling me."

Sam nodded, " yeah, there is."

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Even with the baseball cap on, the sunlight immediately caused his eyes to squint once exiting the museum. Since pulling Captain Rogers out of the river, Bucky hadn't been outside in the day time- nay traveling on foot at night, to lessen his chances of being caught. Now, he felt exposed and overwhelmed before they had even reached the parking lot.

He felt Natasha's hand on his arm, his real arm. She stood next to him and stood close as bundles of people rushed by them in either direction, noticing that he was distracted, she gave a soft tug on the sleeve of his jacket.

" Its okay" she said in almost a whisper.

Bucky followed her down the steps, she went slowly to make sure she was never not on the same step as him. Before arching the lot, Natasha caught a quick glimpse of the arm that she knew wasn't naturally his. The jacket took care of covering the arm itself, and she saw that a leather glove as covering the hand that he was trying to keep in his pocket. Any other battle wounds, she couldn't see. To anyone else, he was just a normal citizen.

" You can get in" she said when arriving back at the car, as he had stopped behind the tailgate and was staring as though he had just encountered a mortal enemy.

Natasha was standing near the driver side door, but went back when he had remained frozen. " Bucky, if I wanted you dead, you would be dead. Please, get in the car."

And he did, buckling himself into the seat next to hers, letting out a breath that he may have been holding in since Natasha walked into the theatre. Compassion was not her strong point, much less with someone who shot her in the previous week, but that wasn't the same person anymore. He reminded her of a wounded animal, and it wasn't his fault. It made her head spin to think about even a piece of what was on his plate. If she had to shield him until his world balanced out, or at least until Steve returned, then thats what was going to have to happen.

Bucky jumped when the car started. He may be from the World War II era, but everyone in the car knew that he could handle anything form a lawn mower to an aircraft, but now he was exposed, vulnerable, and not entirely aware of his real first name.

" Do you need to go to the hospital?" Natasha asked, having no idea how injured he was or what else to say.

" I don't know" he said, ' I think there would be a lot of explaining involved in that."

He had a point.

" Are you injured?"

" I'll be okay."

The jeep pulled into traffic, " what about food? Are you hungry? We can get something to eat."

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Sam almost had to drag Steve on to the train- almost- but was able to get them both seated as the the train departed, headed back to DC without any physical force. Since he knew there was no way to physically motivate him to leave New Jersey, he did have to resort to more drastic methods.

" Is he okay?" Steve asked, nearly choking on the words.

Sam felt guilty, going against Natasha's orders, and was sure he would hear about it upon their return. But, it was the only way they were getting back to Washington.

Now, he was heart broken.

" There was no din cation either way, but, from her tone I don't think there was anything serious going on."

Steve gave Sam the same look he would give himself after such a comment.

" I don't know if Natasha is safe with I'm" Sam confessed a moment later, looking away in case Steve was offended for the jab at his once best friend.

Instead, Steve snorted, " don't worry, Bucky is the one who should be worried.


	6. Chapter Six

Natasha pulled the jeep along the grave road, stopping under a large pine tree that stood next to the dam. As she turned the key in the ignition, silencing the engine, a paralyzing thought crossed her mind. She had just led the man, who was possibly still the bad guy (but more than likely not) back to the hiding place for some of SHEILD's most vital agents. She could kill him before they even left the car, but he could do the same before she even unbuckled her seatbelt.

_Trust no one_. She remembered Steve's warning from the previous week. Though she was almost certain that even he wouldn't single out Bucky. Not yet, at least.

She glanced over at him, watching how he examined all that he could see outside the car window, and that certainly wasn't much. Trees and other untamed vegetation, never the less, he was captivated, like he had been trapped in a cage for a long time.

_Maybe he was_, she thought to herself.

" Haven't been outside in awhile?" she asked, realizing the question was making her sound like an awful person.

Bucky kept staring out the window, " not enough to enjoy it, no."

There were questions she wanted to ask, tons of them. None about Bucky Barnes, as she knew he would be the ones with those, but instead about the Winter Soldier. How he had been programmed, what he was told, everything. Once Steve returned, there would be crowds and chaos and her having to make sure neither of them lost their minds. The perfect timing seemed to be in this car, right now, as they were alone.

And yet, she couldn't bring herself to do it.

" Lets get inside" she said, instead.

Natasha stood outside the car until he, too, got out. He looked up at the large, abandoned (as far as the general public was concerned) dam that would be the first shelter he had since the helicarriers crashed into the river.

She could see the concern on his expression as he looked around.

" You'll be safe here."

**Flashback- New York City, 1943. **

The sun had left for the day, and a swift breeze brushed its way through the city. The lights of all the buildings were beginning to take over for where the sunlight had left off. She was watching Manhattan from across the river, like a play that was being performed, and she was the only audience member.

Her body was leaning against the railing, which was the only thing stopping her from falling into the water. The cold metal bit at her skin. It was late spring, but some nights it was hard to tell. A gust of wind surrounded her body, and she lightly gasped with a little surprise of how cold it really was.

Her right hand reached over her left shoulder, trying to grab at her wool shawl. But instead, she grabbed an arm, someone else's arm. That one, and its partner, gently circled around her waist, resting just above the top of her skirt.

Emma smiled, knowing exactly who it was, as she was expecting him .

" You're late" she said, fingers running along the green fabric of his uniform jacket,

Which he then quickly removed, placing it over her shoulders, warming her frigid skin. " I promised I would be here" he said, allowing her to lean backwards against him, warming up even more.

She welcomed his arms around him again, her body leaning perfectly against his, her head resting just under his both gazed upon the water in front of them, the current was having a very slow night.

" I know, but I was getting worried."

" You have no reason to be worried."

Emma's smile could have been seen from the tallest building in the city, if only because it allowed for her eyes to close and keep the tear drops at bay. " I have plenty of reasons to worry. You're shipping out tomorrow."

" I won't be gone for long. I bet I'll be back before you even miss me. Back to doing all those things that drive you nuts."

Her hands laid over his, " believe it or not, I will even miss you leaving random socks all over the apartment."

" Thats impossible, you despise that."

" Well, maybe if you would at least leave them in pairs."

Bucky laughed, Emma thought for a moment of how much she would miss hearing that laugh, or feeling the vibration in his chest whenever he did it. She circled around, still in his arms, so that she was now facing him. For a moment, she only stared, looking up at the smile she knew she would miss as the sun continued to set. She wanted to remember for as long as he would be gone.

" I will be back" he wanted to say what she wanted to hear, before she struggled with the thoughts in her head any longer, " I promise."

Her big eyes looked away, " you can't promise something like that. Not now. It's a war, Bucky."

He leaned in to hold her closer, gently whispering in her ear.

" It's easier to survive when you have something to come back to" he kissed her cheek, " or, so they said in boot camp."

Emma giggled, lightly scratching the back of his neck so that he wouldn't be able to move away, wondering how long she could really hold on for. " I suppose you're worth waiting for."

Bucky tightened his hold on her, one hand smoothing over the curls that hung down her back, " I was hoping you would say that" he whispered.

" It's your last night in town" Emma finally said, " what do you want to do?"

He wiggled his arm away from the grasp she had him in, in search of something.

" Spend the rest of my life with you" he answered.

Intrigued by his response, she watched him as he patted down the pockets on his pants, one hand finally sliding into his back pocket.

" I was going to wait until tomorrow, at the train station, for this. But, when in Rome."

Emma's stomach nearly dropped with him, and he knelt down in front of her, one knee bending onto the concrete sidewalk they were standing other. A small, velvet box had appeared in his hand, which he then opened to reveal a simple silver band with a small diamond that rested on top.

" Are you joking?" she asked, voice squeaking.

Bucky shrugged, " not really. Please marry me, Emma."

Her hands cradled her face, hardly able to contain her smile, " right now?!"

" No, when I get back. You deserve a proper wedding."

Emma sniffled, " I suppose thats fair enough" she cried.

Bucky bit at his bottom lip, " so, thats a yes, right?" she nodded, and he removed the ring and slid it over her left finger after she extended her hand from underneath his coat sleeve. She took a moment to admire the new item until he was standing again, then quickly grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him.

" I love you so much" she said, barely above a whisper, the tips of the noses still touching.

" I love you more. And I'll come back to you. I promise."


	7. Chapter Seven

The sun was rapidly setting in Washington, as though it was waiting for those two to arrive at the hideout before speeding up and ending the day- simply so that it would be over, and they could begin to figure out what to do with tomorrow. Start fresh.

Natasha waited outside until it became far too awkward. Bucky showed no sign of wanting to head inside with her, and instead wandered around what little land there was between the dam and the actual gorge. She did watch closely, trying to get a read on him, but it was impossible. This was someone who was halfway in between two very different people, he could not be figured out.

He seemed content by lucidly standing out in the light breeze that had formed, one of the rules of when the hiding began was to remain indoors. But why ruin the record she had going of broken rules from the past day? Heck, she brought home someone that they could have easily been hiding from to begin with. She let him stay where he was, telling him to come in when he was ready before heading there herself.

'_If he's going to run, he's going to run' _ she told herself.

The door closed behind Natasha, and she made an aggravated gnawing sound similar to what she would sound like right after stubbing her toe. She then let out a sigh of relief, reminding herself of the strong willed person she was suppose to be. A frantic search began, looking around the hallway she stood in as though something would magically appear to help her.

But, nothing did, nothing had changed since she left. It was too soon for Sam and Steve to have returned, and Maria would have made her presence known by then.

_' I did not take Hill into consideration before I brought the bad guy home.'_

She grabbed her cell phone from her back pocket- no new messages or calls, as expected, and probably for the best. Her thumbs went to work, typing away and she headed down the corridor.

_' Didn't find Steve, found the Winter Solider though. Job well done.'_

Bucky had not yet come inside, her phone buzzed just as she entered the room that Sam and Maria had been sharing, pulling the sheets off the bed she assumed Maria had been using and read the response form Clint.

_' Cool. I don't need to tell you how much of a bad idea that is. Oh wait, I just did.'_

_' He's on edge as it is without attacking me. Steve will be back soon, just have to hold him still until then.'_

Natasha dragged the iron bed frame out of one room and into the neighboring one that was empty other than a few water damaged boxes. Her body ached under the stress of the task, having been through enough in the last few days. She had taken the liberty of deciding that Sam and Bucky would not be sharing a room together, and that there would be no disagreements.

There was another text message.

_' Your ability to not be afraid of anyone is inspirational and all, but this guy shot you. Twice. One time was pretty recent, and you shouldn't be helping him.'_

Natasha grabbed a spare blanket and pillow from her room before responding.

_' Now what if someone said that about my best friend when he was brain washed. Then what would have happened?'_

That would zip him up for a bit.

Within a few minutes, she made the bed so that it was slightly less uncomfortable , nowhere near perfect, just like the other two beds. She was about to go check on Bucky outside, but instead walked right into him back in the hallway.

" Holy, gosh, I'm so sorry" she jumped, wondering if she had come in contact with the metal part of his body, based on how hard the impact was.

He didn't seem phased. " Part of me is still wondering if this is all a set up. You bring me here, tuck me in, and then once the sun goes down, this place will be crawling with more of you and I spent the rest of my life in the hell that I've been spending it in."

The corner of Natasha's mouth curled- he had certainly hit a spot of interest with that line. In addition to saying what may have been the longest statement of his brain washed life, he certainly had a good guess on what made her tick. And just by looking at her, he knew he had hit a hot spot.

" Nice call" she admitted, " but there's one big reason why I won't let that happen."

" Conscience?"

" Close. I don't want to deal with Captain Rogers on my back for the rest of my life."

Natasha snatched his wrist and opened his hand, his real hand, and placed a small, glass tube on his palm- one that she kept on her in the event that they were needed, especially recently. His fingers closed securely around it, without bothering to take a closer look. He moved his hand to his side and leaned in ever so slightly.

" What is it?" he asked, calmly, as though someone else was going to overhear them.

" A mild tranquilizer" she looked up at his very suspicious eyes, " I'm serious, it's to help you. I've been there, the insomnia. It can break you down, just when you're weak enough."

Bucky took a step back, as though he had been offended, when really it felt like one more person had just wandered in to his head. " I've been doing this long enough, I know what its like."

She picked a pice of lint off his jacket, ' and now you're out, and you don't know what that's like. I do."

It was an uneventful evening for what was left of it. Natasha offered Bucky food, and he kindly declined. She gave him spare clothing that belonged to Steve, though wasn't sure if he was going to bother changing. They made small talk, at the absolute least, and it was painful for both of them. Soon enough, he asked if it was alright to go to bed, because the whole free will thing was still a new concept, and he didn't know what rights he still had. Natasha wanted to tell him different, but had a feeling that he wouldn't believe her. Not now, at least.

She left him alone in the empty room with the bed that she had made up earlier. Once again, she told herself that if he was going to run, he was going to run. In the mean time, if there was that time, she kept herself busy, and quiet, wanting to listen carefully in case there were any kind of noises. She wanted to be awake for when the two others returned, as well as keep a close eye.

Perched up on the kitchen counter, Natasha was attending to the bandages and stitches that decorated her thigh, just above the knee. Just two of the several battle rounds from the recent events. Poor lighting in the kitchen made it difficult for her to navigate the small pair of scissors from the first aid kit along her skin in an attempt to cut the old stitches. She was dreading replacing them with fresh ones.

" So is this what all ladies do at night, or just you?" the deep voice interrupted ear numbing silence.

Which startled her, she let out a scream and fell from the counter to the floor. She was still clutching the strap on her tank top when Sam, the speaker who had been standing in the doorway, was now laughing at her.

" I'm sorry" he said, helping her to her feet, " little on edge?"

Natasha was trying to catch her breath, and hoping Bucky hadn't been woken up (if he was even asleep). " Weird day, that's all, glad you're back."

Sam looked around the kitchen, as though thats where she had stashed their newest guest. " So, where is he?"

" In bed, maybe" she stood and retrieved the scissors from the floor, ' either way, he's in a room. Not yours, didn't think you wanted a roommate."

He shook his head in agreement, " has he been any trouble?"

" He's fine. Knocking him out was the easy part."

" You need a new method."

Her eyes wandered over Sam's shoulder, " where's Steve?" she suddenly wondered if he had went and found Bucky.

Sam pretended to fiddle with the zipper on his jacket," he's outside. He's, uh, he's a little torn up about all of this."

Natasha's eyebrows flared, " the feeling is mutual in here. I'll go check on him, do not go in the spare room."

The cold night breeze fought hard, pushing the door back as Natasha was trying to push it open. With a swift shove, she was able to get outside, chilly air hitting any exposed skin of hers, very unexpected for this time of year. The door slammed behind her with a loud crash.

There was only one light on the entire grounds that came on during the night, but it was a overly bright spot light. It was mounted onto the bridge of the dam wall, overlooking the water below. The purpose of the light seemed to be for identifying where land ended and the gorge began- which seemed to be important enough.

It also made it slightly easier to see where Steve laid in the dark grass, closer to the edge of a two hundred foot drop than she felt comfortable with, but she wouldn't bring that up right now. He was fixated on the sky above, not concerned that he had company, if he even noticed.

Chilled blades of grass stabbed at her skin as she laid down next to him. Always the gentleman, , Steve laid out his arm so that it was alongside his shoulder, and she had a place to rest her head. She settled as much as she could for laying in grass and dirt. For a few moments, they laid in silence, listening to the wind disturb the leaves that hung above them.

" I'm glad you're back" she finally said, as though he had been gone for a longer period of time.

" I'm glad you found him" he added, " I don't want to go in there, and face him. I can't do it...is that horrible of me?"

She was beginning to wonder if only felt that he could be so honest about his issues when laying so close to her, and in the dark. Her leg inched up against his, " not at all. I mean, it would help if you did talk to him eventually. But, I'm sure that it's going to be a little awkward at first."

" Is he okay?"

Natasha sighed, though found it adorable that both boys asked the same thing about the other, " he's confused, really confused. But, if anyone knows what it's like waking up in a world they know nothing about, it's you."

" He may not listen to me."

" Of course he'll listen to you. He wants to listen to you, you're the one who knows everything."

" And I'm suppose to just hope that he remembers we were best friends?"

She could sense he was getting angry and reached over to lightly rub his stomach, " if he they had a way to brain wash him, maybe there's a way to undo it. Maybe SHIELD has something that can..."

Steve abruptly sat up, almost taking Natasha with him, " great, more people we can't trust."

She pulled herself up, gently holding his arm, " no matter what we choose to do, you have to see him. It's all going to start with that."

" Where is he?"

" He went to the spare room next to Sam's, I gave him the same serum I gave to you the other night, to help him sleep."

Steve looked over his shoulder, directly at her, " why does he get a choice in taking it and I didn't?"

Bucky laid wide awake, gazing upwards into darkness. The bed he laid upon was hardly comfortable, but he had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude that Natasha was nice enough to give him a place to sleep in the first place. He couldn't remember the last time that he had somewhere to sleep, nor could he remember the last time he slept, willingly at least. Even though he was given the option to make it not so natural. The small tube that was given to him earlier remained clutched in his hand.

He hadn't changed into the clothes that she gave him, the bed that he laid in was more than enough, more than he deserved. His left foot was continuously kicking the cement wall next to him, in a poor attempt to lull himself to sleep, but it wasn't working. He kept overhearing what was going on just outside the door. He heard Natasha, and then another voice that he was able to identify as Sam, and then it was quiet after a few doors had closed.

Then came Natasha's voice again, she was with someone else. Bucky's foot stopped kicking as soon as he recognized Captain Rogers's voice, in the hallway, right outside his door. He laid perfectly still, watching the light under his door, seeing their shadows walk by. There was hushing, and then whispering. He waited in silence, wondering if someone was going to walk inside and demand a confrontation. He held his breath so that there would be no sound, but they were too quiet, he couldn't hear exactly what they were saying.

But, nothing happened. He heard the door across the hall close, and the voices were gone. Even though no one had gone anywhere, he felt alone once again.

His fingers found the rubber stopper on the top of the tube and popped it off. The liquid, which had been warmed by resting in his hand, trickled smoothly down his throat, dropping the now empty tube next to the bed. The suffocating need to sleep became overwhelming within seconds, his eyes closed with no contest.

On nights like these, he would sometimes worry if sleep would lead to unbearable nightmares. However, in the last moments that he remained awake, he reminded himself that his mind could never produce enough memories that would lead to any kind of dream.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Flasback; Germany, 1944**

Nighttime had finally come, and it felt like the first night fall he had since leaving home, however long ago that was. There was never any end to any day, only a continuos pattern, nothing to indicate where one day ended and another began. No rest, no solitude, especially since the ambush, the capture, everything that came after, until Captain America showed up. Freedom was not something that he was use to.

Bucky sat alone in a tent that among one of the dozen in the camp that had been set up. The makeshift army, preparing for another battle as soon as the sun returned. That didn't concern him, that is what he was over there to do in the first place, to be part of an army. It was the right now that had him awake during such a late hour.

A pad of paper and pen were close by, but the writing was long discarded. He simply sat and stared at the wall of the tent that was in front of him, deep breaths, breaking into the silence around him. Silence was another thing he was not use to, he had to hear something.

" Bucky?" a voice came form outside the tent. He gasped, but it was not loud enough for Steve to hear. And then he suddenly appeared inside, hunched over, " what are you still doing awake?"

Bucky couldn't help but chuckle, the Steve he remembered would have been able to stand up straight and not have a hair even graze anything. " I'm not use to there being so much of you."

Steve smirked, " i'm still getting use to it, too. I don't fit in all the place I did before." He sat down next to his friend, who had scooted over enough for there to be room for both of them. He gestured the pad of paper resting next to Bucky's thigh, " writing to her?"

" Trying to" Bucky let out an exhausted sigh, " I don't know what to say, how to make up for all the time she hasn't heard anything. I don't even know if she wrote to me, she's probably mad, or found someone else."

" Maybe start with ' Dear Emma, I'm not dead' and then go from there" Steve attempted to lighten his mood, but it did not work very well, " she wouldn't just move on, Buck. She's waiting for you, letters or not. Finish this one, she needs to hear from you."

Bucky looked off into the dark corner of the tent, not wanting to face his friend, " I don't know. I just want things to go back to normal. Even if its war normal, just something I can recognize" but then he looked over, " except whatever happened to you, thats okay."

Steve scooted closer ever so slightly, " if you want to talk about whatever happened, we can. I'm here."

" No, no thank you" his voice shook, " I don't even know how to put it all into words, I-I can't."

" You don't have to come tomorrow. Maybe you just need to.."

" No!" Bucky perked up, " I don't need a break, I need to be a soldier. That's what I'm here for, and that's what you're here for. Plus, I can't let you go out there alone."

Steve smiled, " I wouldn't want it any other way."

OOOOOOOOOO

Bucky, in the end, would finish the letter to Emma. Before they set out the next morning, he gave it to Steve and asked that he make sure it would make it to Emma if the worse happened. And when it did, the promise that was made, was kept.

Seventy years later, he still had the letter meant for Emma. Natasha, who he had hardly known at the time when he was first defrosted, said she would make sure it arrived. He could never bring himself to find out what happened to the girl that his best friend was meant to marry.

" It must be nice having someone waiting for you at home."

It was one of the last things that Bucky ever said to him before boarding the train;

OOOOOOOOOO

Steve could feel a burning sensation in his chest, it was seeping through his lungs. He had woken himself up an hour ago, his mind unable to silence enough for him to rest. What else is new? All this time he was worried about finding Bucky, rightfully so, but now that he was found, the resolution didn't feel complete. He sat pajama clad on the cement floor, unable to tell if the coarse breathing was in his head, or a sleeping Natasha in the bed a few feet away. The suspense was eating away at him.

In a flash, he was standing, racing towards what he could only hope was the door, throwing it open and throwing himself into the hallway. But he stopped, a mere inch form the identical, worn out door across the way, the door that Bucky was on the other side of. He held still, breath hitting the wood in front of him, listening for anything inside, but there was nothing.

The idea of entering the room, telling his friend all the things he didn't get to say before- because not everyone got the chance to make up for that. His hand hovered over the door, but he couldn't get it to move any more than that. The burning in his chest lingered, his eyes squeezed shut. He was disappointed that he couldn't go any further.

Steve whipped around, using all the speed that he would use into throwing his own shield, except now he nearly toppled over Natasha, who had been standing right behind him.

" Woah!" she yelped, wanting to re-think standing behind someone in such a cramped and creepy little situation. She had just enough time to grab his arm when he hunched over. " Hey, hey, what happened? Did you go in there?"

Steve shook his head, choking while attempting just to breathe, " I can't do it" she panted.

Natasha worried for him, but also that Sam and Bucky would be woken up and then there would be an audience. She backed up towards their bedroom, pulling Steve along with her, taking note how it was the first moment of their friendship in which she was able to overpower him. She kicked the door closed behind them, and Steve broke down, grabbing Natasha to avoid falling to the floor.

And she held on to him, tightly, only taking a moment to be concerned about the difference in size and that it would take an advantage. His head rested on her shoulder, and she held on tighter as the sobbing took control of his body.

" It's okay" she whispered, without knowing exactly what was wrong. She lightly rubbed where his hairline met his neck. Her other hand wrapped itself around his waist, similar to where his was on her. " It's okay, I promise" her voice had reached a tone that was only there for comforting purposes, and therefore, rarely used.

She nuzzled his shoulder, squeezing him just a little tighter. In the years that she had known him, and all of the stories that were told, there was never anything about the infamous Captain America and any moment of weakness. It amazed her that it took this long for it to happen.

He began wheezing, a broken attempt to calm himself. Natasha took the opportunity to walk him backwards towards their bed. She sat down on the mattress first, leaving her arms wide open for him to lay down. Once doing so, she cuddled next to him, her chest against his back, arms and legs wrapping around him. The tears had stopped, the shaking laced with the coarse breathing was a different story.

" I'm sorry" he choked.

" You have nothing to be sorry for" she said, " it's a lot to handle, especially all at once."

" I can't be like this, not now, not when Bucky is the one who needs help. I can't let him down by being like this."

Natasha hooked her ankle over his, " you know, I think this situation, the way its coming together, is harder on you. You're the one who remembers everything. He doesn't know how painful it is, at least not yet."

Steve sniffled, " he wouldn't have to go through any of this if I hadn't let him die in the first place."

" That wasn't your fault."

"That whole mission was my idea, that makes him falling my fault. Thats how Hydra got him. How many people did you say he killed? NOt to mention he shot you. Twice."

She was not going to repeat the statistics of the Winter Soldier from the week before, " if they were experimenting on him when you rescued him, they were going to get him back to finish whatever it was they were doing" she felt him tense up, as though the detailed thoughts were pedaling through his mind. She gently nudged him, " don't dwell on it, you're good at protecting people."

Steve felt her hand softly grab the front of his shirt, and his hand moved to rest atop of hers, " you are, too."

OOOOOOOOOO

Natasha slept like the dead- which was ironic, considering. She jolted herself out of a slumber, immediately concerned that she had slept that long, too long. Another instant thing that was noticed, Steve was gone. Her body was still warm from where he had been snuggled against hers. She sat up and looked around, quickly, but nothing. No sounds, inside our outside that room, it concerned her. Natasha wasn't the kind to get thrown off, even when the odds were against her.

However, she was quick to pull on a pair of pants that were discarded during the night and a tank top she usually slept in, hair pulled back into a loose tie behind her head. The bedroom door opened to a new day, but emptiness all around. The door across the hall, Bucky's door, was still closed, though she wasn't sure what that meant. But, she did find Sam in the kitchen, sorting out eggs on the counter, and she was very sure she knew what that meant.

" What happened?" she asked, still trying to shake the sleep from her head.

Sam placed the now empty egg container in the garbage against the wall, " you brought home a masked, Russian serial killer."

Natasha rolled her eyes, popping her hip to the side to show that he struck a nerve, " where are they?"

" Steve went for a run, he said it would only be a short one. So, twenty miles or so."

She wasn't going to comment on how he shouldn't have gone out, especially alone, as that rule was long broken. " And Bucky?"

He retrieved an old, oil crusted frying pan from one of the few cabinets that had been left behind, " you said not to go in his room."

That was true, " did he come out of the room?" Sam shook his head, " I hope he didn't overdose."

" Go poke him with a stick, we have enough food to feed him, too."

Sam occupied himself with making breakfast, and Natasha now stood outside the same closed door, only now it was staring at her, similar to what Steve had done the night before. Her ear pressed to the wood, no sounds, she opened it like she was ripping a bandage off. The sun was already high enough in the sky, so it was not shining directly into the room (not that the dirty window would allow very much of that). There was just enough daylight to see him, but the room was left with a dingy glow.

Bucky laid flat on his back, fully clothed from when she had last saw him, even the baseball cap. Natasha felt her throat swell with a hard swallow, but let a sigh slip through her closed mouth when she saw his chest rise and fall. He could then be upgraded from possibly dead, to fast asleep.

As she stepped closer, she found herself wondering how he could possibly be comfortable- laying halfway down on the bed frame so that his feet were hanging over the edge, as though he had fallen asleep on accident. Her body pressed against his as she sat down in what little room there was left on the bed, and he didn't seem disturbed. For a moment, she admired how peaceful he looked, considering. His left, metal hand was closed around the small tube she had given him the night before. It was empty.

She pulled off the baseball cap, and his nose twitched. The dead silence made her nervous, like he would wake up screaming at any moment, because he was certainly capable of much more than that. Natasha thought the same thing that Steve would think if he were the one staring at him right now, that this is now who he was. The peaceful, reserved human being- not the monster he had been made into. Both knew that, and soon enough, so would Bucky.

Her hand reached out to touch him, but before contact was made, she heard Steve's voice, followed by the voice of Sam, then the main door closing. Not wanting to be found in there, and not wanting a party in the room, she left him just as calmly as she had found him.

As the voices confirmed, Steve had returned, and was outside with Sam. When Natasha joined them, it had not looked like Steve was out for a run. He looked as distressed as when she last saw him, and was dressed in street clothing. He was speaking to Sam, appearing as though they were discussing a top secret mission, or currently in the middle of one.

" Did he wake up?" Steve asked, when noticing she had joined them. She shook her head, " maybe sleep is the best thing for him right now" he added.

There was a mutual agreement on that.

Sam, who was being very slick about hiding the piece of paper his friend had just slipped him into his back pocket, was quick to then cross his arms across his chest. " Steve thinks he found someone who can help."

It was a long list in Natasha's mind on who he could have found to help, but a shorter one for who he could have found that fast.

" Who?"

Steve seemed almost pleased with his discovery, and just as eager to share, " Clara. Clara Howard."

Sam watched Steve's reaction as well as Natasha's, and there was a vast difference.

" Are you kidding me?!" Natasha snapped, " that's where you went? To find HER?"

Steve flashed her a dark look, especially after the emphasis on the word _her_. " There are SHIELD agents hiding out in an abandoned warehouse outside the city. They're trying to rebuild, to help. And she was one of them."

" Who is Clara?" Sam asked.

But, he was ignored, " in case you forgot, we have a had a bit of an issue with SHIELD in the last couple of days. They're not trustworthy. They were trying to kill you, they were trying to kill all of us."

" In case YOU forgot, we were SHIELD agents a few days ago. And she wasn't the one trying to kill us, not all of them were behind the Hydra issue. Plus, she can help us, and there's no denying that we need that."

" But who is she?" Sam asked again.

Natasha's anger only intensified, " I don't think she's the help we need. Unless you want Bucky to get molested while he's unconscious, too."

" Woah, what in the hell!" Sam yelped as Steve rolled his eyes, " who or what is Clara?!"

And then he was finally acknowledged him, though kept his recently rolled eyes on Natasha, " she's a SHEILD agent, and a clean one at that. Fury brought her in when I was, well, when I was defrosting. But, she helped with the whole adjustment process."

Natasha groaned, " she's a kid who got way too close to you."

" I think that's a matter of perspective."

" Well, your perspective on things like that is a little 1940's, Captain."

Natasha stormed off in a classic angry woman fashion. Not to the damn, not to the jeep for a dramatic take off, just away. Up the path that led back to the real world, and then out of sight. The boys watched, and allowed it. Her out there was safer than one of them trying to stop her.

" Sooooo, Natasha doesn't like Clara?" Sam already had his answer, but wanted to initiate some kind of explanation for what just happened.

But Steve merely shrugged it off, " she gets mad a lot, she thinks it keeps her from going soft. It doesn't."

Sam smirked, " Clara was a hot button topic for her, that's for sure."

" I don't know why" Steve remained slightly high tempered, " it wasn't her issue. Look, I wouldn't bring someone here if I thought they were dangerous."

" Is she a therapist?"

Steve shook his head, " she's a computer hacker, for the most part. She...tinkers a lot on the side, invents gadgets and what not. Not at the Stark level, but she's helped him. But, it was enough to help someone fast forward five full decades" he paused, second guessing himself, " I'm in over my head, it seemed like a good idea."

" If it worked for you, it'll work for him. He's the one you're looking out for, thats what friends do" Steve made a face, and Sam looked in the direction, " maybe she really shouldn't be out there alone."

A loud snort escaped Steve, " I think its everyone else that should be worried" but Sam was not taking the joke, " okay, maybe she shouldn't be out there alone."

" She couldn't have gotten far. You okay here alone if I go get her?"

Steve nodded, " I won't be alone."

OOOOOOOOOO

Once Sam had left, Steve did not go back inside. Instead, he sat on the bridge over the dam wall- with a clear view of the door, in case. His feet dangled through the cement slats, hanging mid air over what would be a long fall down. His mind wandered, as it did so often since he woke up in this millennium.

It had wandered so far, that he hardly noticed when Bucky sat on the cement, right next to him.


End file.
